Dear Fallen Stars...I'm Sorry I Failed You.
Dear Fallen Stars, I'm sorry I failed you…
Words cannot express how much you are missed.
I feel responsible that I couldn’t have reached you sooner.
There are so many days when I think of you and cry.
I cannot believe you’re gone.
Your talent was irrefutable and irreplaceable.
The world was, and continues to be shaped by your legacy.
Which is part of the problem, and why I’m angry with you.
Unfortunately, it’s not just your talent that the world thinks of when they think of you now.
It’s your final moments.
I believe you would take it all back now if you could.
But you didn’t see any other way.
So I also feel compassion for you.
Nobody wants to live in pain.
As a first-class psychotherapist, I’ve been to the depths of my clients’ despair.
From healing the emptiness created by a parent who’s self-absorption robbed a child’s heart of the security of unconditional love...
To mending the tears in the soul left by wicked sexual objectification…
To receiving frantic phone calls from muffled voices where time stopped and life and death hung in the balance of every next word, followed by a deep exhalation as I could hear the sound of metal gently being laid to rest on a marble countertop…
Regardless of how successful my creative clients have become, they would trust me with their deepest and (sometimes) shamefully dark secrets.
Because I understand them.
When the judge slammed his javelin down, and said that fateful word, “guilty,” my life changed forever.
As the bailiff took my right arm behind my back and tightened the handcuff, I thought of the innocent boy I used to be, and instantly saw my mother’s tears running down her face, as her little boy was gone forever.
As I heard the clicks of the other handcuff tightening around my left wrist, I could feel the cool steel fastening my shame to my future.
On January 10th, 2014, I was convicted of participating in a riot.
Upon entering prison, I discovered what dehumanization really meant.
Being forced to undress completely, bend over, and...
It didn’t matter how degraded I felt, it was their agenda that really mattered...
It didn’t matter how scared, how ashamed, how hopeless I felt...
Robert Grigore disappeared into a sea of red jumpsuits.
On one unknown day, I remember sitting cross-legged on my hard mattress, holding a book on Buddhism, with my back against the cement wall, under the relentless fluorescent lighting..
I had an epiphany.
It wasn’t just me who was trapped.
Everyone is trapped at some point in their lives by negative thoughts, painful feelings, and self-sabotaging patterns of behaviours that keep them from knowing what true freedom really feels like.
We are the creators of all that occurs for us.
So, it is from this paradigm that I understand the all-too-common complaint from my famous celebrities and influential creatives.
Although wealth and fame were once the cornerstones of their sense of freedom...
Fame becomes a prison.
You can’t go anywhere without being stopped and asked for a photo.
People who you barely know start asking for money.
Agents, managers, directors, producers, labels, start to control every aspect of your life—what you can eat, how you must speak, what your workout routine must be, what you can wear, where you must be...and there you go, you might as well be wearing your own red jumpsuit as you disappear into the sea of celebrity.
But that’s only part of it.
It’s also lonely at the top.
Whether a musician, actor, or a creative CEO or entrepreneur, there might be times when there’s nobody around to talk to - literally.
Or worse, you’ve exhausted the ears willing to listen.
Then you’re on your own.
All alone with the darkness inside.
That all-too-familiar voice whispers in your ear…
“You’re fooling yourself.”
“You don’t belong here.”
“You see? Nobody loves you.”
So you pop another benzo with a glass of fine scotch.
You wander around your empty palace looking for a moment of reprieve.
Then, you check Twitter…
You find your post has gone viral!
Even though there’s hundreds of thousands of positive comments, you zero in on the one criticism.
You feel attacked.
You keep scrolling and find another.
“People hate me.”
That voice in the back of your head confirms it for you, as it reminds you of the time when you were booed, the failed relationships, the parent who was never around…
Suddenly you feel like you’re six again…
So you pop another benzo, this time adding in something else...whatever’s around.
Pour yourself another scotch.
I’ve worked with hundreds of clients and processed thousands of memories, and I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt, you never wanted to be this way.
But you’re trapped.
Not just by fame.
You’re trapped by your past.
You’re trapped by past negative experiences and trauma.
And it goes deeper too.
You’re trapped by the negative beliefs and expectations that were passed down from generation to generation, long before you ever got here.
From subtle judgments to outright condemnation, your family shaped how you viewed the world and your place in it.
Those negative experiences and trauma activated the “validity” of those beliefs.
That’s why some of your colleagues can weather the storm of fame and the eventual hardships that come with life, without self-destructing.
It’s not that there’s something wrong with you.
You’re not cursed.
Your brain is reflexively responding exactly how it thinks it needs to in order for you to survive.
Each time you experience a negative thought or feeling, your brain seeks to eradicate it as fast as possible.
Obviously, drugs and alcohol appear to be quick fixes because they “help” with feeling better almost immediately - I should know, I struggled with various addictions and alcohol abuse throughout my life.
What people become addicted to is not the substance or behaviour itself, but the positive feelings that it brings.
Relief. Comfort. Safety. Clarity. Control. Power. Freedom. Love. Belonging.
Whatever it is, it certainly feels better than the suffering you were in just a few minutes ago.
Between you and me, my Fallen Beloved, we know the suffering had been there for many years, if not decades prior to your last moments.
But you didn’t know there was actually a solution that didn’t take years of weekly therapy sessions, and homework we both know you weren’t going to do…
(Who has time for that anyway during their insanely busy schedule?)
Nobody informed you that I could have eradicated your deepest pain and emotional darkness in as little as a single weekend.
If you would have known, maybe you would still be here to create from your highest vibration, and elevate humanity along with deeply serving your following.
The world could have been inspired by your journey into personal peace.
To my Dearly Fallen Beloved, I’m sorry I couldn’t reach you.
I pray to you now, help light the way for your brothers and sisters who are still breathing.
They do not need to remain in suffering.
They can be freed from their inner prisons of worry, fear, and panic…
They can experience inner peace instead of anger or rage…
They don’t need 3-6 months in rehab only to relapse again and repeat the cycle - only this time it’s all over the tabloids…
They can finally feel worthy of love, regardless of what others think.
They will embrace solitude with curiosity and openness.
They can look upon their critics with loving kindness, and with grace respond to them on a whole new level that actually heals their critics!
They can feel confident and empowered to know that instead of creating from darkness, they can inspire with light.
They will understand on the highest of levels what Agape Love really is.
They can be guided by you.
They will listen to their intuition because they will trust themselves completely.
Dear Fallen Beloved, I thank you for your service in life.
Please don’t let others make the same mistake in death.
Help me save the lives of our Dearly Beloved Living, and our Aspiring Talent.
When my time comes, I look forward to singing with you.
Until then, I’ve got a whole sky of falling stars to save.
To Your Light & Love,
Robert A. Grigore
Certified EMDR Therapist & Approved EMDR Consultant
Owner & CEO